Leading up to Christmas!

It's been an exciting couple of weeks. I wasn't free a single weekend in October and November is pretty much shaping up to be the same way.

Last weekend was the ACSI Convention in Dayton. All the Kingsway teachers went. Pretty much your run of the mill convention. I did enjoy hearing Josh McDowell, the writer of Evidence that Demands a Verdict, speak, which was certainly the highlight. I also liked hanging out with the other teachers. We found possibly the world's best coffee house in Dayton, called Cafe Terra Cotta. The BEST chai tea I've ever had, no question. After the convention ended on Friday, my fellow teacher, Lindsey and I drove to Cincinnati, where Sara lives to do some shopping. I spent more than I've EVER spent at the Gap Clearance Center, but got some really great buys. Tres Fab as usual. On the way home from the Nati, we stopped at the Prime Outlets on 71, and then at Polaris Mall in Columbus where we shopped and ate at the Cheesecake Factory. Yum-o!

This weekend has been a fun weekend of getting some more early Christmas shopping done. I can't wait to put up all my Christmas decor and am thrilled of the idea of putting back up my 12 ft tree! Yay! (See picture from last Christmas.) I've held back in spite of the fact that my some of my neighbors have put up Christmas lights! Next time I post it will probably be with pictures of my house decorated for Christmas!

Well, I'm off. My fingers are too frozen to type anymore. I keep catching Tony with the heat set at 58 instead of the usual 63. I think I better go check, this feels like 58.

My turn for Kingsway 7:45 a.m. devotions

Devotion for October 29, 2008

John 3: 30

I have been asked to do things that I’m not prepared to do. I have been asked to lead classes that I know, deep down, I have no business leading. I have been asked to speak about overcoming things that I fail to overcome daily.

I once gave a class on overcoming fear to a group of women my mom’s age. Little did they know that I am afraid of everything. I am possibly one of the most fearful people you will meet. I’m afraid something will happen to my family members, or my house, or my car. I’m afraid I will fall down stairs. I constantly pray when I’m home alone. I’m afraid of every noise. I’m afraid to drive too fast or do anything that might cause me physical harm like skydiving, or skiing, or jumping off a diving board, or using power tools or seeing another person get hurt doing any of these things. Who am I to teach a lesson on overcoming fear?

A few years back I was asked to speak to a Sr. High group of girls about modesty. I had to wonder if the friend in the ministry who had asked to me to speak was hoping that I might learn a thing or two about modesty along the way for myself. I wondered if he knew that I struggled somewhere between being a woman of God and a woman who loves fashion and wearing the latest trends. Who was I to tell others what to wear?

Every year I attend a week of summer church camp as faculty and nearly every year I almost back out at the last minute because I’m not sure how I can possibly be of any help to anyone in a spiritual sense because of my own miserable spiritual state. Who am I to help them be closer to God when I feel so far away?

And now every few weeks I am asked to speak in front of a group of people who I very well know are leaps and bounds above me spiritually. People whose wisdom I often stand in awe of and feel incompetent to even have a spiritual discussion with, much less guide and try to impart my wisdom (or lack of) upon them. It’s possible that I have found no time more humbling than the days leading up to giving the devotion here.

The only way I have found to approach these situations is with meekness and humility. Leading up to last night I just kept praying, “Lord, find a way to use me. Let something useful come out of my mouth.” This is usually the way I felt in all of the instances I have already mentioned. I think “God, you know that I am not in any position to guide anyone right now, so please transcend my unworthiness and somehow use me for your purpose.”

It’s the times that I feel really prepared and truly confidant that I fall flat on my face. Many times I have prepared a really well-meaning and well-thought out letter, or e-mail, or speech that I feel I need to share with someone. I use carefully chosen scripture and pour my heart into just the right wording. I feel so sure that he or she that will receive this missive will understand my point and their lives will be forever changed by my remarkable rhetoric and enlightened thoughts and this person will be forever grateful to me for turning his or her life around. After all, it must be God’s will that inspired me to confront them with this issue in the first place. He must have expressly chosen me to bear this message to this person. These are usually the times that I undeniably offend someone. These are the times that I’m justly accused of self-righteousness. These are the times that my friend doesn’t wish to speak with me for a few months. And I’m always shocked and dismayed because I thought my intentions were so pure.

I’ve realized that it pays to be inadequate. Only when we realize that we are insufficient to do God’s work without his help, can he use us. When I’m all puffed up with my own importance and the wonderfulness of the things I have to say, hoping that people like it, and then in turn, will like me, God’s purpose gets smothered.

In most of the opportunities to speak that I mentioned above, I realized that I was totally incapable of taking on the task before me by myself. These situations forced me to humbly dive into prayer and scripture in a way that I had probably neglected since the last time I was in such a circumstance. They change my thoughts from, “What can I do or say that everyone will really like?” to thoughts of, “God, just help me get through this, and, if possible, use me.” In the end I’m surprised by the encouragement I receive. I’m surprised when the class or event turns out to be a success. Sure I’m inexperienced, sure I will never be as intellectually elevated as other people, and sure my faith will sometimes be all but lost in a valley. It’s because of these things that I can realize it was by no merit of my own that God reached that anybody, but because He spoke through me when I let him. There is no room for our own glory in the message of Christ. The glory has to be all His.

John the Baptist realized this in his ministry when he states in John 3:30, “He must become greater; I must become less. The one who comes from above is above all; the one who is from the earth belongs to the earth, and speaks as one from the earth. The one who comes from heaven is above all. “

John had been receiving a good amount fame through his ministry and probably could have become more famous if he’d been willing to toot his own horn. “Look at me, I’ve been chosen by God to reveal his message.” But instead he realized that the time had come to turn it over to the one he was sent to announce. He stood to the side and let Jesus have center-stage.

I think that we too can turn over all of our abilities, or lack of abilities as it may be, to God so that he can stretch beyond our inadequacies and do something greater than we could ever do if left to our own devices.

Milligan College Homecoming Weekend 2008 - Class of 2003 Five Year Reunion

I had no idea how much I would enjoy Homecoming Weekend at Milligan. Since we decided to go I've just been thinking, "Well, I hope it will be fun" but haven't really felt super excited about it. As the days drew closer and I started seeing more and more of my favorite Milliganites respond that they were coming I did get more and more excited. By Friday night I was almost in a frenzy to see people from Milligan. Tony and I arrived way too early at the young alumni social and had to wait around to see people we knew, but I was just too ready to kick off the weekend!

Being emotional and nostalgic as I am, I wasn't really sure how I would feel about being on campus. It always makes me sad to go back somewhere and realize that it is no longer the way that I remembered it. This was not the case last weekend. As Tony said in the previous blog, and all of us mentioned to one another quite a few times to one another during the weekend, Milligan felt almost exactly the same. Because we were surrounded by so many well-known and well-loved faces, it felt like we had never really left. The only difference is that now some of us come with spouses and/or kids which somehow just added to the fun. Milligan was exactly the same beautiful, relaxing place I remember it being. The picture to the right is of Derthick Hall, which was renovated during our years at Millgan. It is probably my favorite academic building because all my English classes were held there. Although there have been changes, they have been so well done that nothing really felt out of place. I spent time walking around campus with the people I love, while we all tried to capture as much of these fabulous moments on film as we could. Check out the beautiful view from Sutton Hill, where I lived for three years. The other picture is of me in front of my dorm room door in Sutton.

One thing I always am astounded by when I see my friends from college is that so little has changed between us. Sure, our lives have changed a lot and sure, we have missed sharing a lot of things over the past five years in the way of happiness or hardship, but somehow that initial spark that brought us all together is still there. If possible I think we all love and appreciate one another MORE now that we don't get to see one another that often (or live together and daily become annoyed by one another's idiosyncrasies.)

I was especially thrilled to get to spend time with my roommates from senior year. We even took the time to head up (via vehicle, not walking up Sutton Hill) to our old apartment to annoy its new tenants and take pictures outside the door. We talked about how we half expected to open the door and see the apartment exactly as it was when we lived there. Our old hand-me down couches we attempted to slipcover, our "entertainment" center set-up, our "borrowed" kitchen tables and chairs from Kegley Hall. For a moment I even wished that I could take a nap in my old bed, which has been my all-time favorite place I've ever slept.

The entire weekend was non-stop fun while we made connections with most of our favorite people from our days attending Milligan. We visited professors, walked about campus, cheered at the parade, watched a soccer game, and ate at some of our favorite places. Saturday night we made the most of the last few hours we would get to spend with our Milligan friends. Tony got to watch the Ohio State Game in Webb Hall with his old roomies, while a bunch of us girls (with the addition of some good-natured spouses) went to dinner at a very nice and unique German restaurant in the not-so-nice or unique downtown Johnson City. Over hearty servings of brats, schnitzel, and goulash, we reminisced about the times we spent together traveling Europe. In the end it was well worth the chilly wait for a table to seat 12 because of good food and great times.I can't imagine my life without the four years I spent at Milligan. So much of who I've become depended upon the things I learned there, the people I met, and their influences upon me. Here's to seeing you all in 2013!